An adorably chubby toddler zig-zags through the playscape, kicking up wood chips behind him. Suddenly the toe of his sneakers catches on a toy, or log, or some other child’s foot, and down he crashes, hard. You’re his parent. How do you react?
Parent #1 – Sprinting over, panting, grilling the kid: “Oh my gosh! Honey, are you okay? Are you hurt? Did you cut your knee? Let me see, I think I have a band aid, does it hurt? I knew this would happen! I told you not to run so fast!”
Or…
Parent #2 – “Oops! You’re okay! Hey let’s go on the slide!”, picking her up, brushing the grit off the tender knee, and redirecting her attention.
Remember when our teens were our precious, sticky little babies? Clinging to our necks even on the most humid days, asking us endless questions about the elderly lady in the restaurant booth next to ours, begging for one more bedtime story before finally, FINALLY, nodding off to sleep?
It’s hard to remember those days when they wanted us around and needed our physical contact, affection, and reassurance. Heading into senior year, it’s hard to believe, but they still need us, only in different ways.
In the coming weeks and months, parents of rising seniors might have strong opinions and emotional reactions to their children’s application essays, ED application choices, and – the greatest challenge to navigate – the results of their applications. Sometimes the results are happy acceptances, sometimes confusing, frustrating deferrals, and sometimes really disappointing denials. Prepare yourself for the emotional roller coaster of the coming senior year, and prepare yourself for these big-kid versions of falling on the playground. When their friend is accepted ED and they are not, or when they don’t get the award they were hoping for or they don’t get the acceptance they want, which parent do you need to be? The reactive, sensitive Parent #1 or the steady, calm Parent #2?
Remember that old deodorant commercial from the 80’s with the tagline, “Never let ‘em see you sweat”? That’s your mantra this year. You can be emotional in a private space, you can talk to your child’s McMillan counselor, you can take it out on the racquetball court, but never let your children see you express panic or agony or desperation about their college process. They are looking to you and taking their cues from you, and if you show panic, not only will they also panic, but they’ll think you are unhappy with them and that they have let you down. Remember to paste that smile on your face and get your arms ready for plenty of sympathetic hugs, but never let ‘em see you sweat.
