As I find myself in the weeds of college essays with students – reading, re-reading, asking questions and trying to prompt both freewheeling storytelling and also perhaps a bit of deep thought and zoomed out reflection – I like to zoom out myself and think of the advice that I give to my annual crew of high school graduates, now about to head off to college.
I often send them these words from Adam Weinberg, the President of Denison University:
“For college to be life-shaping, three things have to happen. First, students need to develop at least one meaningful relationship with a faculty member. Second, they must be engaged in academics and at least one activity such as student government, sports, drama, clubs or competitions. And third, they need to be surrounded by peers who will bring out the best in them.”
Everything can often feel so fraught and heavy for rising seniors and their parents! It can seem like the world is riding on an essay, a test score, or an addition or deletion from a developing college list. Yet at which college is it not possible to follow this advice? To find a sympathetic, even an inspiring teacher who will talk with you openly and authentically? To engage in something you love with peers outside of the classroom? To find friends who will bring out your best? And conversely, at which college is it not possible to do the exact opposite? An elite college name won’t provide these experiences. A student’s choices will.
It may take a lot of trial and error and fighting against our own worst tendencies, but such is life. Choices will be made that won’t always pan out, and in all manner of forms, feedback will surely arrive that a different choice might be worth a try.
For rising college freshmen and rising high school seniors alike, heeding this advice — and noticing what happens when we don’t — is a worthwhile daily practice for the year ahead. Life will unavoidably shape us, and regardless of where we find ourselves, what matters most are the choices we make in the midst of it all.
